i am my own person

when i look into your eyes
i see my reflection
only yours speak of rich history

when i peek into your soul
i see what i should be
only i am a manifest of two souls

when i search your heart
i know it beats for me
only sometimes its rhythm gets confused and infused with noise

i do love u so
but i am my own person
please let me be

please understand.

how does one handle mortality issues?

i just found out that my granduncle has cancer
he’s in stage 4 and is currently undergoing treatment
i find myself (much to my dismay) nonchalant about it
probably ‘detached’ is a better word
i’ve noticed that over the years
this has been my reaction to such news

i’ve been wondering why i’ve been so ‘cold’
is it because my own dad passed away when i was merely 12 years old?
it is quite a tender age
was the impact so bad that i no longer have the ability to feel or at least appear more sympathetic?

i wish i knew.

year of the rat 2008

i dont know about u
but like most females
i abhor rats

rats..mice..basically rodents
they are disgusting
they are scavengers
they carry diseases
whilst we say, “thank goodness, there are mice to experiment with for scientific developments”
it also shows just how dispensable they are

for this chinese new year (where i’m from, at least)
the rat has been given a new image
instead of the typical rat images
they’ve resorted to use ‘mickey mouse’
that’s retail for u at its best *lol*

so if we supposedly bear the traits of the animal year we are born in
i just have this to say, “thank goodness that it aint my year”
*ugh*

partners in housekeeping

tonight we were good
we finally started to clear/organise the apartment for this year …

i took charge of the …
- fridge
- larder
- countertop

he did the following …
(i didn’t even ask him to..so, this voluntary gesture of his made him even more endearing)
- vacuumed the entire apartment
- cleared the clutter off our dining table
(we’ve been dumping stuff onto the dining table coz it’s just ‘oh-so-convenient’)
- laundry
- ironing

cohabitation is wonderful, when one is in a great relationship

am i romantic?

i showed him a website
that got him to ask me, “am i romantic?”
my reply, “yes, u are. without a doubt.”
(he really is)

bf : would u like me to be romantic all the time?
me : only if u want to…
bf : so, not too much, but not none at all?
me : be romantic only if u mean it, then that’ll be perfect…

just a note :
he is more romantic than i am.
so i’m the one who has to worry about not bringing enough romance into this relationship.

need a change

it’s not that i don’t like my present workplace
and i’m not claiming that i’ve mastered everything i need to know in my job
working here has taught me a lot – both professionally and personally
by normal standards, i’m considered a very young head of dept
in the industry i’m in, it’s quite unheard of
i’ve everything to be grateful for
the opportunities to grow
the entrusted faith and trust in my abilities
the support from senior management
but i’m getting jaded from the repetitiveness and some petty trivialities (redundant?)
yes, i mentioned ‘petty’ so i should be more mature and get over it
but when something petty is repeated over the years
it does inflict some mental torture (for lack of a better word)

yes, i do need the change
i need a different challenge
i need to develop and diversify

i need to update my resumé.

hogwash!

had a conversation with a colleague today
she’s migrating
her replacement has been identified and should be reporting within 2 months

there is a staff in her dept, tho
who is an ambitious person
this staff has been eyeing the head of dept position
while we appreciate such drive and ambition
success really does come to those who are humble
and a team player
in the management’s eyes
this staff isn’t ready to take over the reins of the dept
not yet, anyway
granted, this staff can be dynamic and has fresh ideas
but people’s skills are equally, if not more, important
this is the missing ingredient

and this ‘migrating’ colleague has a strange opinion too
she mentioned that her replacement would have to learn to deal with this ‘untamed staff’
- this i agree
but this statement of hers “she has to win this staff over. earn the respect.”
i don’t fully agree
yes, as a head of dept, u’ve to earn respect of your staff in order for the dept to function efficiently
but if this staff thinks that the new head has to go the extra mile
this staff has a warped mind, not to mention pompousness
i’d think that this is tantamount to ’insubordination’

tho this aint my dept
our work is all inter-related
tho i’m not ‘old’ (just jaded)
i’m still gonna say
“bah, the exuberance of youth”

a tale of shame

he flirts with her
she responds
he shares his ups and downs with her
she shares her story
he doesn’t miss a day without chatting with her
she looks forward to the attention showered

his girl finds out about them
his girl ends it with him

her husband doesn’t know
her children don’t know
her parents are unaware

he ends it with her
when his own story ended
he was repentant

she ruined his relationship
she still maintains to the world
that they are ‘good frens’
she has no shame

surprise surprise

we ALL love surprises, don’t we?
well, i’d like to think majority of us do
anyway, i like surprises…but with one condition
DON’T TELL ME THERE IS A SURPRISE WAITING FOR ME
(sorry for being overly expressive)
i hate being kept in suspense – that’s why!
i go nuts trying to figure out what the surprise is
and when it’s gonna happen
a barage of questions and thots would just flood my brain
and i hate for my brain to go into overdrive like that

the surprise came today thru the courier service
i was at work when a colleague came to my room with the package
when i saw the package, i just knew it was the surprise i was gonna get

he told me…i told u it was a small surprise
i replied…small in size, big in impact

i love my guy~
*mush*

life of strangers

was just browsing thru some blogs
one in particular interests me
he proposed to his girl in the wee hours of the morning
i can only imagine (thru his blog) how he feels after the proposal
and her too

but the point is this
we spend a great deal of our time at work
and if we’re lucky we’ll find the time
to browse thru our fren’s (and internet fren’s) lives
in a way, u get updates to many people in a short span of time
on the other hand
u’re only able to visualise what they are goin thru
a big part of their lives is up to our imagination

just a couple of days ago
i met up with a group of frens
it felt good – the physical human connection
definitely surpasses any internet connection we may have

am not exactly such a sad case where i don’t meet people who mean something to me
but the fact that we don’t get to meet up as often as we’d like
is really a bummer

i feel a new year’s resolution coming up
dare i?
if only i can assure myself that i can keep it
*sigh*