when one moves on from a relationship to the next
and the new partner comes across your blog that contains 80% of posts on the ex
the posts contain nothing explicit…just feelings and experiences related to the relationship
would you remove all posts related to the ex because it causes “uneasiness” to the current partner?

i know someone who did that for his current girlfriend of almost 2 years
because he’s so in love with her and he wants to prove to her
that all chapters of his previous relationship are closed
and he cannot stand to see her miserable

is what he did, too much?

i received an email notification reminding me that i’ve not been writing here for some time. tq…will.

a lot has happened, yet certain things remain the same.
my personal life has gone from good to better.
i wish i could say the same about my professional life. it has become stale. it’s neither progressing nor regressing. however, i think, being stale is being unproductive enough.

what have i done lately? let’s see…
i’ve written a letter to God…asking him why he keeps throwing challenges at me. especially challenges that i’ve overcome. He just keeps putting me in different scenarios that have the same concept. i guess i’ve not “passed the test” yet.

a random ramble…
porn. yes, porn. guys, help me out here. is a girlfriend supposed to be alright with her guy indulging in porn? ok, not the over-the-top, strange and bordering on sick kind..but basic, old school types. i understand that girls indulge in this “hobby” too. my question is, if you’re in a committed relationship, is this alright?

someone close to me asked me, “when are you getting married?”
i replied, “good question”
someone close replied, “drop him large hints then”
i didn’t reply that someone

we’re at a point in time where we are comfortable and HAPPY with what we have
we’ve been together for about 14 months
i am almost sure i’d like to spend the rest of my days with this guy
but i want to 100% sure

we’ve talked about it though…the future
and we find that we’re walking on the same path
that should be good for now

my mom has always told me, “you’ll know when you meet the right person”
i always reply, “but how would i know?”
her reply that ends this conversation, “you’ll just know”
it’s frustrating
yet at the same time
it allows for hope
for something great
something so right

in my moment of weakness, of self-doubt
i ask myself
“is he not absolutely sure….because of me?”
i’ve actually asked him this, and his reply…
“it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. i’m waiting for you to exorcise your demons, you said you have”
i felt so unworthy
like i wasn’t good enough
but when i’m in a rational state of mind
i completely understand
coz i want to be free of past luggage too
i want to be able to move on
without any remnants of the past
tagging along like a parasite
that depletes and paralyses the relationship
the relationship has to be on solid ground
it has to be completely healthy (arguments can be healthy)
before we both decide and commit
that we want to be with each till the end of our days

yeah…i think i can manage my demons

“i’ve changed..ever since we’ve met”
“i’m not the same person i was”
“i did this all for u…i did this all for us…coz i want us to work”
“i’m a better person now..i’ve learnt from my past mistakes..i’m not repeating them”

would you want or let someone change for you?

*

creature of habit
that’s what we are
you form an opinion of someone and it’s stuck with you
changing that opinion takes time and humility
time..because it’s not easy changing one’s mindset
humility..because you have to admit that you were wrong
but if changing one’s mindset is for the better..to accept what is ‘truth’
then one must be prepared to give it time and be humble

he’s closed the deal
carpool begins

i’m gonna miss that car of his tho

our first major purchase together arrived 15 mins ago
in a form of a washing machine
he finally won me over after citing all the reasons to get one

our neighbour loves to cook
the smells waft into our apartment
enticing us to get something to eat
the downside of it is
our drying laundry will be infused with all that smell *argh*

that’s why i still prefer sending my clothes to someone else to wash

on another note
we need to rearrange the apartment to accommodate all our stuff
so that the apartment doesn’t look like one big storeroom

we’re back from the highlands
we had fun
from exciting roller-coaster rides to super-inflated food prices
they were all, nonetheless an experience
while the highlands are already naturally cold
the rainy, gloomy weather made it worse
what matters though, is that it was a wonderful weekend together

*

how much hate can one contain?
while we know it’s toxic to keep the hatred in
we can’t help it if we just hate someone/something

i hear of people who have not hated a person/thing in their life
and i wonder…are they for real? are they really that decent?
or am i just a horrid person whose emotions have not matured

whatever it is, it’s not a pleasant emotion
it is one that consumes you
paralyses you from your everyday living

resolution for 2008?
perhaps…

he got his PSP yesterday night
imagine winning the million dollar jackpot
and u can imagine his reaction
(well, his expression came close to that)
he hasn’t stopped thanking me since he got his gift
boys will be boys, eh

*

we’re off to the highlands tomorrow
we’ll be 1 in less than 24 hours
it’s a good feeling
a very nice, assuring feeling
that this relationship is aaalllll good

the story of the miller, the son and the donkey teaches us
you can never please everyone

sometimes we need make difficult decisions
especially when dealing with loved ones
sometimes the decisions seem cruel
but tell me
who will be responsible for you, if not yourself?

he had a dept dinner to attend last nite
i decided to make myself a simple home-cooked dinner
dropped an egg
thot to myself…’can’t remember the last time i dropped an egg’
was pretty amused and a tad annoyed with myself coz i’m super careful when handling eggs

***

it’s a public holiday today
woke up and got ready for breakfast
only to discover breakfast ended at 11am
(yea, we dilly-dallied too much)

he had a haircut after lunch
came back home to shower off
it’s been almost 2 hours now
and we’re still undecided over where to go

it’s one of those (many) times where we just don’t know…
- where to go
- where/what to eat

sometimes life’s simple decisions can be so difficult

pathetic, huh.