drop large hints

someone close to me asked me, “when are you getting married?”
i replied, “good question”
someone close replied, “drop him large hints then”
i didn’t reply that someone

we’re at a point in time where we are comfortable and HAPPY with what we have
we’ve been together for about 14 months
i am almost sure i’d like to spend the rest of my days with this guy
but i want to 100% sure

we’ve talked about it though…the future
and we find that we’re walking on the same path
that should be good for now

my mom has always told me, “you’ll know when you meet the right person”
i always reply, “but how would i know?”
her reply that ends this conversation, “you’ll just know”
it’s frustrating
yet at the same time
it allows for hope
for something great
something so right

in my moment of weakness, of self-doubt
i ask myself
“is he not absolutely sure….because of me?”
i’ve actually asked him this, and his reply…
“it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. i’m waiting for you to exorcise your demons, you said you have”
i felt so unworthy
like i wasn’t good enough
but when i’m in a rational state of mind
i completely understand
coz i want to be free of past luggage too
i want to be able to move on
without any remnants of the past
tagging along like a parasite
that depletes and paralyses the relationship
the relationship has to be on solid ground
it has to be completely healthy (arguments can be healthy)
before we both decide and commit
that we want to be with each till the end of our days

yeah…i think i can manage my demons